I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
