im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
