Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
nutella sex= disaster
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
