Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
