I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I got chris browned last night
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
