I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
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No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
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Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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