I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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