WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
