I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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