i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
