Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Your tits are I can't wait for
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
