I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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