Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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