The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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