I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
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The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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