bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
