please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
