Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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