Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We are two peas in an std pod
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize