Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
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look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
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We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.