if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did