Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
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I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!