I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.