Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This is my life. Enjoy the view
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
