So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize