Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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