your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
