i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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