Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
