I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
