I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize