They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
