yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
