i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They took my balls.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
