I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
