hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
