Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
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chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
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my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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