If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
