I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So much rum. So many feels.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
