We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
