he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
