oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
