I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
