I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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