I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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