waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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