dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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