The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
