Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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