Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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