Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
