i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My penis needs a shock collar
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
