can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
