When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
