update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
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I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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