I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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