That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There's even glitter on my cock...
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